By Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin & Arthur E. Nowlin, LMSW, CAADC
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This article was written by Dr. Kim and Arthur Nowlin for Message Magazine : Drama Files
How to bond again after growing apart.
Lloyd and Stephanie have been married for two years. They married after knowing each other for only six months–they were caught up in the moment of it all Stephanie admitted. Now, however, Stephanie is very unhappy and has separated from Lloyd. They have a baby whom they both love and adore.
Stephanie called to schedule an appointment to discuss her separation from her husband and the possibility of filing for divorce. She has outgrown her husband and has lost interest in him she said. They never spend time together or share their feelings with one another. She left him behind. That said, she attends counseling without Lloyd to seek peace for herself, and in an effort to be thoughtful rather than impulsively ending her marriage.
Tired of feeling frustrated and feeling guilty about leaving with the baby and moving in with her grandmother, she wondered, “Why is it that when men leave their wives it’s accepted, but when wives leave their husbands, it’s as if they have committed a crime?”
We shared with her three concepts for accountability:
In some cases when a couple stops sharing their hopes and aspirations with one another, their united dreams fail. They begin thinking as a single unit rather than a collective unit. When one part of the unit stops functioning it impacts the operating mechanism. This is why it’s so important to keep the lines of communication open and to be unified in the growth process so that one individual in the marriage does not outgrow the other. Fortunately, there is hope. As Stephanie continues her individual counseling she finds that she is more open to communicating and even a date night with Lloyd. That’s a start. She is willing.
Take time to get to know the person you choose to marry. Be wise and seek premarital counseling. Pray and be aware of the red flags. Be careful of being caught up in the moment because eventually you have to come back down to reality.
The names have been changed to protect the innocent.