Article from the Drama Files: Left Behind

​This article was written by Dr. Kim and Arthur Nowlin for Message Magazine : Drama Files​

How to bond again after growing apart.

Lloyd and Stephanie  have been married for  two years. They married after knowing each other for only six months–they were caught up in the moment of it all Stephanie admitted. Now, however, Stephanie is very unhappy and has separated from Lloyd.  They have a baby  whom they both love and  adore. 

Stephanie called to schedule an appointment  to discuss her separation from her husband and the possibility of filing for divorce. She has outgrown her husband and has lost interest in him she said.  They never spend time together or share their feelings with one another.  She left him behind.   That said, she attends counseling without Lloyd to seek peace for herself, and in an effort to be thoughtful rather than impulsively ending her marriage.  

Tired of  feeling frustrated  and feeling guilty about leaving  with the baby  and moving in with her grandmother, she wondered, “Why is it that when men leave their wives it’s accepted, but when wives leave their husbands, it’s as if they have committed a crime?”

We shared with her three concepts for accountability:

1. There will always  be consequences for our choices.
2. Secrets are primary tools in dividing couples.
3. All decisions should be discussed and implemented with the team.

Stephanie agreed and realizes she needs to have Lloyd be a part of the counseling process. However, she wants to focus on herself first and develop tools that will help her communicate more effectively with her husband. She hopes to stop feeling as if he has nothing to offer in their relationship.

In some cases  when a couple stops sharing their hopes and aspirations with one another,  their united dreams fail. They begin thinking as a single unit rather than a collective unit. When one part of the unit stops functioning it impacts the operating mechanism. This is why it’s so important to keep the lines of communication open and to be unified in the growth process so that one individual in the marriage does not outgrow the other. Fortunately, there is hope. As Stephanie continues her individual counseling she finds that she is more open to communicating and even a date night with Lloyd. That’s a start. She is willing. 

Take time to get to know the person you choose to marry.  Be wise and  seek premarital counseling. Pray and be aware of the red flags. Be careful of being caught up in the moment because eventually you have to come  back down to reality. 

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.