AuthorsBy Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin & Arthur E. Nowlin, LMSW, CAADC Archives
August 2020
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Damaged By An Emotional Affair3/12/2018 This article was written by Dr. Kim Logan-Nowlin for Message Magazine : Drama Files ![]() Tara and William have been married for 12 years. They met while attending graduate school in Detroit, Michigan. They both secured excellent employment in Detroit and decided to remain in the area. Tara was an account executive and William was a certified public accountant. The couple had one son who was eight years-old. The couple contacted my office to schedule an appointment to address a martial issue. William and Tara arrived in a timely manner and were very polite. The couple was escorted to my private office where William began to share their concerns with me. William stated that he found out that Tara was having an emotional affair with a man she met on a dating site. William asked his wife ” Why were you on a dating site in the first place?” Crossing the Line Tara sat there in shock because she had no idea that William knew she was on the site. William shared in the session that a client for whom he was preparing taxes showed him the site. He told William that he had met a wonderful woman and had been talking to her for five months. They had not be physical but he was anticipating them crossing that line. William never told his client that the woman in his pictures was his own wife. Nor did William even let on that anything was wrong. He finished the taxes, left his office and sat in his car crying and trying to pray. Tara and William were both Christians and faithful followers of Christ. William would have never suspected that his wife could do this because of their love for God and for one another. Tip of the Ice Burg During the session Tara was asked to take down her profile page from the dating site, but she was not just on that site, she revealed she was on four other sites. William lowered his head and cried. Tara tried to extend herself to him but William stood up to pull himself together and stood there looking at her with so much hurt. He finally returned to his seat, but could barely control his emotions. William stated that he felt Tara always had barriers between them and he felt her lack of commitment within their relationship. However, he focused on caring and loving for her hoping that his concerns would soon pass. Tara shared that her father was an emotional cheater. When her mother found out, she decided to remain in the marriage though it caused such pain. She didn’t want to separate her family. Therefore, she tolerated his behavior for 45 years, praying for his life to change. He finally gave his life to Christ, Tara said. “My mother’s prayers were answered,” she said, and my parents are still married and doing well.” William asked Tara “Why didn’t you ever tell me about your father?” Tara explained she was ashamed and it was their past hurt and now this negative behavior had become her present situation. She apologized to William and promised him that she would never do anything to undermine God’s will for their marriage again. William told her he didn’t trust her and needed more time and counseling. Passed Down Tara’s family origin and her father’s negative behavior had transferred to her development, and her pattern of thinking. It made a lasting impression on her life, and led her to experiment with his former lifestyle. I explained to the couple that Tara may be experiencing Attachment Disorder in her life. Attachment Disorder is defined as the condition in which individuals have difficulty forming lasting relationships. They often show nearly a complete lack of ability to be genuinely affectionate with others. They typically fail to develop a conscience and do not learn to trust. An emotional affair is sometimes referred to as an affair of the heart. An emotional affair may emerge from a friendship and progress toward greater levels of personal intimacy and attachment. What distinguishes an emotional affair from a friendship is the assumption of emotional roles between the two participants that mimic of those of an actual relationship – with regards to confiding personal information, and turning to the other person during moments of vulnerability or need. Four main styles of attachment have been identified in adults:
Tara exhibits all four attachment styles. She feels secure within her relationship with William, but feels overwhelmed and anxious if he becomes to close to her. Unfortunately, she avoided and dismissed her husband’s concerns about her behavior when he confronted her, and therefore would become fearful and avoid him. She seeks other attention from other men from whom she is already detached. As long as she is not committed she feels safe within her own space. As the therapist it is important that the treatment plan address attachment disorder, trust, rebuilding the levels of communication with God and with one another. Being the Bigger Person Before the session concluded, William shared that he understands what his wife was going through. He reminded Tara that when he was a child, his mother was unfaithful to his father. But, William said, he wanted to be a man that would hold his relationship with God and his family in high regards. He turned to Tara and said “Just a reminder that I personally choose not to entertain or consider any female offers, invitations, or wallow in flirtatious or ego-stroking actions. I am confident and at peace with who I am, how God has wondrously and uniquely made me. [I am confident in] the joy and happiness that I can bring into your life, physically, emotionally and romantically. My life is what it is, hopefully to only get better. My heart, feelings and love is to you and you alone. I am totally committed in my efforts–and with God on my side–to winning your heart, your love, your trust, your attraction to me and your friendship. This is what I want to do, trusting the outcome to God. Love always finds a way. “He who finds a wife, he finds a good thing” (Proverbs 18:22 Open in Logos Bible Software (if available)). William told Tara that he loved her and is willing to trust God and move forward. He looked her in her eyes, kissed her as she was crying and said, “I forgive you, now forgive yourself.” Tara and William continue their counseling and Tara has not engaged with any outside interests and they both continue to hold themselves accountable to God and one another.
14 Comments
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Carloyn Brown
3/13/2018 09:58:39 pm
This article is right on time for so many couples. Thank you Dr. Kim
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flora jack
11/15/2020 02:43:23 am
I am here to share the wonderful work Dr. Jumba did for me. After 5 years in marriage with my husband with 2 kids, my husband started acting weird and going out with other ladies and showed me cold love, on several occasions he threatens to divorce me if I dare question him about his affair with other ladies, I was totally devastated and confused until a old friend of mine told me about a spell caster on the internet called Dr. Jumba who help people with relationship and marriage problem by the powers of love spells, at first I doubted if such thing ever exists but decided to give it a try, when I contact him, he helped me cast a love spell and within 48hours my husband came back to me and started apologizing, now he has stopped going out with other ladies and his with me for good and for real. Contact this great love spell caster for your relationship or marriage problem to be solved today via email: wiccalovespelltools@gmail.com or text him on whatsapp: +1 (908) 517 4108 WEBSITE: drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com . youtube video : http://www.youtube.com/shorts/ccQRyLMrh64
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Jon Cass
3/13/2018 10:00:19 pm
I went through this and it almost destroyed my life. Thank you Dr. Kim
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Dawn Wiggins
3/13/2018 10:01:43 pm
I also experienced this and I almost lost my life because of my husband’s affair. It’s no joke. Stay out of them. Thank you Dr. Kim
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Louis Daniels
4/6/2018 05:34:18 pm
Thank you Dr. Kim for continuing on this journey to bring us these great articles.
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Tim Billings
4/6/2018 05:35:06 pm
Thank you so much. I needed this.
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G. Ellen
4/22/2018 10:50:16 pm
I was caught up. This article saved me.
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Monica Cole
4/22/2021 10:46:20 am
TESTED AND TRUSTED HONEST SPELL CASTER {DR JUMBA } https://drjumbaspellhome.wordpress.com .
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sarah alfred
6/21/2021 04:40:19 pm
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Susan Christian
8/5/2021 05:47:07 pm
Hello to everyone out here, I am here to share the unexpected miracle that happened to me … My name is Susan Christian , I live in London, UK. we got married for more than 9 years and have gotten two kids. thing were going well with us and we are always happy. until one day my husband started to behave in a way i could not understand, i was very confused by the way he treat me and the kids. later that month he did not come home again and he called me that he want a divorce, i asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying is that he want a divorce that he hate me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was mad and also frustrated do not know what to do, i was sick for more than 2 weeks because of the divorce. i love him so much he was everything to me without him my life is incomplete. i told my sister and she told me to contact a spell caster, i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing. i just want to try if something will come out of it. i contacted Dr Emu for the return of my husband to me, they told me that my husband have been taken by another woman, that she cast a spell on him that is why he hate me and also want us to divorce. then they told me that they have to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and the kids, they casted the spell and after 24 hours my husband called me and he told me that i should forgive him, he started to apologize on phone and said that he still live me that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that he Dr Emu casted on him that make him come back to me today, me and my family are now happy again today. thank you Dr Emu for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. i want you my friends who are passing through all this kind of love problem of getting back their husband, wife , or ex boyfriend and girlfriend to contact Dr Emu ,if you need his help you can contact him through his private mail: emutemple@gmail.com or you can contact him through his website https://emutemple.wordpress.com/ fb page Https://web.facebook.com/Emu-Temple-104891335203341 and you will see that your problem will be solved without any delay.
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Michael DeBruin
8/27/2021 07:18:27 am
My wish right now is that God should continue to bless Dr Emu for his good works towards the life of those people who are heart broken. My name is Michael DeBruin and I am from the USA, it's been a while since my lover's attitude changed from being the caring type she has been to me, but later turned out not to be caring at all. But not long, I later discovered that my lover was having an affair with someone else. and also she told me she doesn't need me after all we pass through then a friend told me about a spell caster. that with the spell I will get back my woman, I took his cell number then called him and also what's-app him which he reply to me and I did some sacrifices to the spell man and he bought the items for me which he used for the sacrifices and later called me that before 48 hours my love will come back to me and now we are more in love with each other than ever. you can reach him on WhatsApp +2347012841542 or reach him via mail ; emutemple@gmail.com , my lover returned back and broke up with the other guy she was having a relationship with... Thank you Dr Emu.
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Sheila Donnell
8/28/2021 04:18:00 am
My purpose out here today is to share this article to the world about how Doctor Odunga helped me in getting back my ex-boyfriend that broke up with me 4 months ago. I tried all I could to make him see reasons with me so that we can continue our relationship but he denied me. Thank God for giving me the thought of going into the internet to search for help. I searched properly and I saw different reviews on Doctor Odunga and I insisted on giving it a try by contacting him via whats-app on (+2348167159012) and email. He gave me reason to live again and after He prepared the spell, He told me that my ex-boyfriend will come back to me within 28 hours. Can you believe it that my ex-boyfriend really came back and our wedding will be held soon. Contact him now if you need any help. Email: odungaspelltemple@gmail.com and he does a lot of spells. Once again I want to say I'm very grateful for your help
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ELIZABETH ROMERO
9/29/2021 01:02:04 pm
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Mato Ray
3/28/2022 09:42:18 am
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